Am I Calvin's Dad or Stephen King?

Here's an actual bedtime conversation with my 5-year-old, many years ago. I know, I'm a terrible parent.

HE:  Dad, I know I need to go to sleep, and I know this is kind of ridiculous, but I'm sort of afraid of bears.

ME:  What do you mean?

HE:  Well, I'm kind of afraid a bear will come through the window and get me.

ME:  You're right, that is ridiculous.  You know that bears go by smell, so it would go for your sister first.

HE:  That's not really helping, Dad.

ME:  Well, when was the last time you saw a bear in our town?

HE:  Um, never.

ME:  And how many of your friends have been attacked by bears?

HE:  Um, none, I guess.

ME:  And how many kids in our family have been eaten by bears?

HE:  None?

ME:  Well, actually, there was your brother Steve, but Mommy and I don't like to talk about him.

HE:  MOMMY!!!!