Things My Kids Have Said

Just a collection of some of my favorite things my kids have said over the years.

2011-07-26: “Daddy, what does it mean when they say the general mustard his troops?”

2013-02-26: “Dad, if I ate my whole body, would I be twice as big, or would I disappear completely?”

2013-03-02: “Dad, a snail can actually go pretty fast. You just have to throw it.”

2013-04-03: “Dad, I just tried the new blue shampoo, and now my head feels all minty.”

2013-12-03: “Dad, suppose there’s a one-way wall that lets stuff go through one way but not the other. What would happen if you put your arm halfway through and then stopped?”

Me: It’s your wall. You tell me.

2014-05-13: “I plead the First!” — my kid, when asked to stop talking in History class.

2015-08-21: “But, Dad, I don’t like water. It tastes blank.”

2015-09-26: “Dad, I ate too much, and now I have a headache in my tummy.”

2017-09-09: “…a boy friend, not a boyfriend. There’s a space between boy and friend. The little space is the friend zone.”

2017-09-09: “Did you know there are quadruple-A batteries? They’re even smaller than triple-As. The smaller the battery, the longer it screams.”

2017-11-25: “I just bought a football and a soccer ball. Not sure if that’s a football and a fútbol, or a foot ball and a hand egg.” 

2023-08-12: "Most math theorems are named for the second person who discovered them. Otherwise they'd all be named for Gauss."